Infancy, How I Despise Thee

I never wanted a baby. I realize many women yearn for one because they’re cute and cuddly and they love you unconditionally. True, of course, but there was no tricking this mama into believing that those notions were in any way going to make those first 12 months easy. No, I always wanted children. Skip the infancy stage and get straight to the good parts: verbalizing needs, walking instead of being carried, building with Legos, making up silly “knock-knock” jokes…

Yes, yes, of course I know that you don’t get a well-functioning, stable, happy toddler unless you invest the time in babyhood. I get it! But I often wish that my kids could bypass this stage without serious repercussions. I endure it because I know every phase is important in child development (Ed Psych degree mandated statement).

But, Infancy, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do! For one thing, how can you produce something so sweet and endearing while simultaneously sabotaging this said cuteness with oodles and oodles of frustration? And after a day like today, I need answers! Tell me:

  • Why is it that as soon as a new outfit is finished being buttoned from the last spit-up, a new round of puke begins?
  • Why should I even bother to put Desitin on when a new “load” requires another diaper change less than 20 minutes later?
  • Why on earth is there always a major poop “blow-out” just before departure for an event for which I can’t be late?
  • Why, why, why can’t sleep be accomplished without ample crying?
  • Baby spit-up, in general. Need I say more?

If you can provide a sound explanation for these daily calamities, Infancy, then perhaps I can endure you with a little more sanity.

For now, I’ll kiss my little munchkin knowing that she won’t be this tiny for long.

6 thoughts on “Infancy, How I Despise Thee”

  1. My answers:
    1) You have to use all the outfits as frequently as possible because they outgrow them so quickly if they never got dirty you wouldn’t change them as much.
    2) Only put the Desitin on every other change.
    3) So we know who is in control of our time and a side benefit is we stop judging other people who are late (applies to me I doubt you judge like I do).
    4) Crying exhausts mommies and we need to be exhausted or we can’t fall asleep fast enough when we only have four hours in a row on a good night.
    5) I got nothing on the spit up.

    These are not sound explanations, I know, but I wanted to at least give it a college try for you 🙂

    I gave my little munchkin a kiss tonight and asked her nicely to stay asleep.

  2. It’s a darn good thing they’re cute, that’s all I know. Maddie should be able to get away with more poop/puke/blow outs than most, since she’s cuter than most.

  3. Even though I do not have the experience yet of being a parent, I do have many years of experience working with teenagers. And I whole-heartedly agree with Julianna’s statement!!!

  4. I never thought I’d say it, but I think I’d have to agree. I can’t wait for Evan to be able to do more and respond more, cause this baby stuff IS tough. The Lord made babies heavenly cute for a reason…cause if they weren’t, this would be unbearable at times!!

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