Ten months ago I set the goal to run the Santa Barbara Marathon. That’s 26.2 miles, folks, that I was hoping to conquer. Those of you who know me and my history with the sport know it’s quite the leap from my last race completion. But running this distance became a “bucket list” item that I dreamed of completing, just because it is so difficult. I could have set my sights on the half marathon, to start, but why not just go for it, right?
A national organization dedicated to fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society called Team in Training caught my attention last spring, thanks to another parent in Warren’s kindergarten class, and inspired me to persue my goal. They train you completely and you collect donations for cancer research. It’s win-win in my book.
The Santa Barbara Marathon is perfect because not only do I live here, making it pretty easy to show up, but it’s also held on Saturday, unlike so many others which would require me to break the Sabbath to enter.
I was excited at the prospect of obtaining a goal that, 2 years ago even, I would have never had the guts to set. I told friends and family that I was going to do it. Everyone encouraged me and I felt like it was something within my grasp.
The race was yesterday and I did not run.
I didn’t even train. Because of some serious health issues (explanatory post to follow), I never felt up to running or really any exercise at all. For the last 7 months I have watched the calendar flip forward knowing that I would not be able to do what I said I was going to do.
And that’s the worst part. If I had never even mentioned it to anyone, I may have let it go and not felt like such a failure. But since I opened my mouth and told the world my plans, I felt like the girl who is all talk and no action. The one who says she’s going to do something and then just doesn’t.
That’s what I felt this past week each time I drove by the road signs reminding the community of the upcoming event. Just a big orange sign screaming at me that I did not complete what I said I’d do.
In the end I know it’s not my fault. I know I’m being a bit harsh. My health has taken the goal right out of my hands, at least for the time being. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s just my life circumstances at this moment. Hopefully, it won’t be forever. I want to believe I’ll try for it another time.
I had several friends that ran the marathon and half marathon yesterday, some for the first time. I thought about them many times throughout the morning, wondering how they were feeling and hoping they were completing the race they way they had planned. They all finished, and I couldn’t be happier for each one.
Way to go Rebecca, Esther, Nicole, Annie, and Cherry!! I wish I could have ran there with you. (Well, behind you, really, because I would have never been able to keep your pace!) But I was with you in spirit, I promise.