Family
Spoon-Fed
Even though Jake and Joey are already 17 months old, they don’t have much experience feeding themselves with utensils. It’s not their fault. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to face that kind of mess. You can imagine the range that two babies, who already show talent for throwing, could get with projectile objects like spoons.
But I was feeling brave and decided to give them a shot at developing a new skill.
They. loved. it. I mean LOVED using a spoon.
Not a whole lot actually made it into their mouths, but it was enough to make them happy.
They were not happy, however, when the meal ended and we took their spoons away. Two angry babies! We promised them there would be more opportunities.
It’s exciting to see them start to get the hang of something new.
Business As Usual
Colin went back to work today after his 6 week break used to help me recover. This was the reception he received when he arrived at his desk:
195 balloons and a note that said, “Welcome Back, Colin.” I’m sure the contributors were especially appreciative of the box of doughnuts he brought in as a token of thanks for being so understanding about his time away.
I went back to work again, too, as “Full-time Mom.” My reception was slightly different:
Runny noses multiplied by 3 all day long. Plus I caught the virus that has passed through all the kids. But I can’t complain too much. I feel pretty good as far as the surgery recovery goes. No more pain, just slight discomfort and tenderness at the incision site. My doctor’s visit confirmed that all is going well. I got the “all clear” to resume my life. I can now lift to my heart’s content.
It was so great to pick up my children again. I missed holding them so much. Bed rest was alright, on a purely selfish level– I got many projects done that would otherwise have been hard to do. But really, I like my full time job. It’s good to be back.
Now to kick this crummy cold…
On Valentine’s Day…
Colin surprised me with this bouquet of roses. Roses on Valentine’s Day is overdone, you say? Not when they’re this color.
Warren came home with a sack full of Valentine’s Day loot.
We served the kids burritos for dinner (at Warren’s request) with heart-shaped strawberry ice cream for dessert.
(We decided to save the heart-shaped brownies for an upcoming Family Home Evening treat.)
Plus our good friends, Annie and Alex, hand delivered some Valentine’s goodies for us right after dinner. They were greatly appreciated!
Then Colin and I enjoyed our own romantic candle lit dinner for two we made together at home, after the kids went to bed.
The menu was perfect: Arrugula and Parmesan Salad (courtesy of our old neighbor and former ward member, Holly Y.), Fontina, Fennel, and Onion Pizza (from Martha, found on Pinterest) using this dough recipe, and Creamy Lemon Squares (also a Martha concoction, via Sarah H.). We did not care one bit that the dessert lacked chocolate. They were so, so, so good. I’m still thinking about them.
We finished the night off with “Midnight in Paris.” It was a perfectly simple day (despite sick children) and the best way to end our 6-week break from the norm. Colin returns to work starting Wednesday.
Hope your day was full of good food and lots of love.
Colin’s Cursed Birthday
It’s official. There’s no doubt now. Colin’s birthday is officially cursed. For the past 4 years, at least one person (and oftentimes it’s been Colin) has been sick on his birthday. The range of illnesses has been wide, but some sort of plague has hit our household just in time for the celebrations.
Warren was sick all last week and his asthma kicked in, but he started recovering and we hoped for the best. Then Maddie got a fever on Friday. Luckily, we were able to get in touch with her doctor before the end of the day, plus Warren’s bout with the virus indicated that she was headed down the same path, so no need for the emergency room testing.
But by Sunday, and Colin’s birthday, she was still feverish and hacking away. We started to get worried. Jake also woke up with a runny nose and a slight fever. It was settled. We’d all stay home from church and try to recuperate from the sickness that was spreading through the family.
I felt I owed Colin something big and tasty to compensate for all he’s done over the last few weeks, plus I was hoping to take the edge off the curse, so I made him a tasty dinner of salmon, broiled green beans and cherry tomatoes, and wild rice, plus a carrot cake with citrus cream cheese frosting. That was the highlight of the day, besides the Seattle Sounders FC “3rd Jersey” I got for him (purchased in January, so not to be counted in the Spending Fast).
Just as we were winding up the evening, and all kids had been tucked in bed, we heard serious coughing from Maddie’s room. It sounded really, really bad. We went in to help her cough/puke into the bowl we’d been keeping by her bed. When we checked the contents of the recent spew, we saw blood. Colin and I looked at each other. Could we take the chance that she hadn’t progressed to pneumonia? On Birthday Curse Day, you couldn’t be too sure. So, my dear, sweet, wonderful Colin gathered up the necessaries and Maddie and drove off to the ER at 9:45PM on Sunday night. He was just trying to beat my last birthday celebration.
Long story short, Maddie’s x-ray came back clear. Instead, they diagnosed her with croup. Sad and uncomfortable, but less worrisome than having a pneumonia.
*Big sigh*
Hopefully, she’ll recover soon and Jake’s turn will come and go quickly. Is there any chance that this virus will pass Joey over? To dream…
Happy Birthday, Colin! Someday this curse will end. It just has to!
Spending Fast Recap: Week 1
Well, I wouldn’t call it stellar, but the first week wasn’t so bad.
We were only slightly over the food budget I set for this month. That was the area I thought we’d struggle with the most, so props to us. For our family of six, we normally budget for $160/week (which includes eating out) so for the spending fast, I was hoping for around $120/week. We came in at $138. Sticking to our monthly menu apparently helps, but we could do better.
We had an unforeseen purchase: Drano. Sorry, but I’m not going to wait a month as the shower water pools around my ankles. With a backup supply it totaled $22. Worth it, in my mind.
We fell apart on the “gifts given” category. Not that it’s bad, necessarily, to overspend there, but maybe we could have been a bit more frugal. One purchase was desperately needed glue sticks for Warren’s classroom (2 packs of 24 for $12 total at Costco, no guilt there), another was the lollipop Valentines (maybe they could have been more cheaply produced at $4.76 for the pictures and $4 for the lollipops), and the last was a package of Thank You cards (I definitely could have made those myself for the $8 spent).
The first thing I’ve noticed about doing this is I really want to spend when I know I can’t! It must be that psychological appeal of the forbidden. How many times did I crave In-n-Out, just because? The other is that spending becomes too easy to justify for the sake of convenience. It’s just easier sometimes to buy a meal instead of planning ahead, especially when on an errand. Staying prepared and one step ahead is always a wise move when it comes to saving moola.
Next week, I aim to do better! Even though it’s Colin’s birthday and Valentine’s Day. Oy vey!
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How did you fare the first week?
Pink Chonies
Toilet training. It’s the one part of parenting where I wish I could close my eyes and fast forward past the phase to the point where it’s all done.
We have not pushed Maddie whatsoever toward toilet training. We’ve let her completely set the pace. She’s been using the toilet off and on for several months now but it’s only been in the last week that she’s understood when she needed to use it. But she refuses to go #2 on the pot. Refuses. She’s afraid, I guess, even though she knows she will get gum if she does it. Oh yes, we’re going there if it means results.
After a few days of success where her diaper stayed clean and dry, she had an idea.
“I can wear my chonies now!” she exclaimed. “Pink ones!”
Her “big girl” underwear (“chonies” as Kelley called them when Warren first started wearing them) have been sitting in her drawer waiting for the day when she was ready to ditch the diapers. She wants desperately to be like Big Brother Warren and wear her own chonies, but we had laid down some stipulations to the transition. She had to stay clean and dry and she had to start pooping in the toilet.
Colin and I looked at each other. She hadn’t reached the second part of deal yet, but she was definitely making progress. We decided to give it a go.
She was so proud. She was beaming.
She went the whole day clean and dry. Even overnight she was clean as a whistle. But she still wouldn’t go poop in the pot.
On Day 2 of underwear, we asked her if she needed to go poop on the toilet. She hesitantly said yes. When she got there to do her business she stopped and looked up at us. “Maybe not,” she said backing down from the challenge. But she still went pee, so we kept her chonies on.
But by the end of the day she still had refused to go #2 in the toilet. She started asking for a diaper so she could take care of business. We told her she’d have to put the chonies away for the rest of the day.
“Maybe I can wear chonies when I’m pooping in the toilet,” she renegotiated.
Off and on she’s been like this: wearing her underwear for most of the day, but requesting a diaper for pooping purposes. She even wore her pink chonies to church. She’s so close, she just doesn’t know it.
We’ll get there. Could someone just wake me up when it’s over?
The Shaggy Dog Story
When I was a kid, my family would say it was time for “The Shaggy Dog Story” whenever my brother or father needed a haircut. I don’t know how that saying originated, but someone said it and it stuck. I suppose it was based on the Disney movie of the same name, though we never watched it as a family. But that’s how we knew it was time for a trim.
Warren’s hair was out of control. It was beyond the surfer look and straight into hippie. It was time for the “Shaggy Dog Story,” for sure. I love his hair long, but this was excessive. On Sunday evening, Colin took the clippers (or buzzers as my brother always called them) to his locks.
He went from this:
to this:
in about 20 minutes.
He looks like a different kid! A younger one, too. He was looking much too much like a teenager, which I’m definitely not ready to handle. We’ve got years ahead before that! Plus, I love that I can see his whole face again.
Long hair or short, he’s still got those dimples and sparkling blue eyes.
The .26 Hearing: Terminating Parental Rights
I’ve been sparse with the details of Jake and Joey’s foster-to-adopt tale. Mostly, it’s because we haven’t always known what was going to happen, or it took so long for anything to happen. Also, we’re required to maintain confidentiality about many aspects of the case. But it’s time to share the latest news.
Fostering is a messy and complicated legal process, especially if you are hoping to adopt the child or children in your care. There is a flowchart that attempts to explain the events in a more manageable way, but it’s still pretty convoluted and the truth is it doesn’t always happen as smoothly or as timely as the arrows indicate.
In California, the first step in starting the actual adoption process is the .26 Hearing, or Termination of Parental Rights. By this point, the Detention Hearing, Jurisdiction Hearing, and Disposition Hearing have all been held and biological parents have proven to the court to be unable to reunify with their child. The judge then determines that the parents’ rights should be terminated and the child will become free for adoption, after a 60 day waiting period allowing them the chance to appeal based on legal grounds. After the 60 days pass, the court issues “freeing documents” and the child becomes eligible for adoption. (This site on Q&A: Juvenile Dependency Court sums up these proceedings very nicely, if you’re interested in more information.)
On December 7, 2011 (exactly one year to the day that these incredible boys entered our lives) Jake and Joey’s .26 Hearing was held and the judge ruled to terminate the rights of their biological parents. Again, as grateful and relieved as I am to know this ruling, it makes me sad for these two people who are missing out on these precious, precious boys. Fostering-to-adopt is nothing if not complex.
But for our family, this news is long-awaited and joyous. We have just reached the end of this 60 day waiting period and now Jake and Joe will be free for adoption. We have been working furiously to complete the adoptive home study (post on the details of that to follow) and are now waiting for the various social service agents and offices to complete their portions. We think their adoption could be finalized by the middle of next month. We can hardly wait.
You may be wondering if we or the boys are required to attend any of these hearings. The answer, thankfully, is no. We could if we wanted to, but I can’t think of a single reason that I would want to be at court. Imagining the proceedings can be hard enough to handle without witnessing them in person.
We are so very grateful to be at this point! It has gone faster than we thought, but the months of not knowing if it would end in our favor were difficult. It’s a combination of feeling like time has stopped completely with no progress being made and then looking back to see that it was all over in the blink of an eye. I suppose that’s how most trying experiences feel.
Thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts in helping us through this experience. We couldn’t have made it without you.
We look forward to showing you their cute faces on this blog soon!
Parenting 505
Maddie has always been a challenge, for various reasons. Year Two of her life proved that time and again, and Year Three is shaping up to be no exception. As with all toddlers, she is a walking contradiction where screaming to let her do something herself is followed by, “Can you help me?” in the same breath. She is stubborn, and sneaky, and so often has the appearance of looking for mischief.
So it’s no surprise that we often butt heads. The year that has passed since the babies joined our family has been rough on my relationship with this spunky, spit-fire little girl. (Adding new members to your family is a huge adjustment anytime, but adding multiple babies when you’ve just turned two is a doozie.) She’s always loved the boys and hasn’t expressed much overt jealousy, but just her stage of development alone makes it difficult for her to be gentle with them at all times, or to be more help than hindrance when I’m trying to take care of their needs. It’s gotten better as she’s gotten older, but it’s still a struggle sometimes.
And I must admit, for too long I’ve been less than patient with her antics. On some days, I’ve been downright mean in my frustration.
When I heard this General Conference talk last spring, I felt the message speak directly to me.
One part, in particular, stood out to me as something I needed to address in my parenting attitude:
A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?
(“What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?” Elder Lynn G. Robbins, The Ensign, May 2o11.)
Of course! Maddie is my most challenging child (at least at this time) and so I’ve been fixating on her negatives more than her positives for so long that sometimes it’s been difficult to appreciate the blessing she is in my life. I needed to change myself, not her, in order to find peace in our relationship.
How was I going to get there, I didn’t know. I felt like it was getting worse despite being made aware. But with daily prayers pleading for forgiveness, renewed humility, and a desire to be more of an example of Christ, I decided I’d better figure out a way.
And then one late night talking to Christy during her visit here changed my perspective, hopefully permanently. Maddie’s actions were out of my control, but my own reactions, responses, and choices were mine to choose. Did I have to be angry that she kicked Joey and then kicked me when I put her in her room for time out? No. I could choose to be calm and place her gently on the floor instead of heaving her in and snapping, “NO!” at her through clenched teeth.
So here is my revolutionary plan for parenting: be nice. That’s it.
When I want to yell at her to stop, I use a soft voice to give her the options instead. When I want to throw her on her bed and slam the door, I quietly walk her to her room and ask her to come out when she’s ready to be kind. I hug her more, even when I don’t like the choice she’s made. And when I can’t find a way to feel kind, I take a deep breath and walk away myself. Sometimes I’m the one who needs the time out.
It’s worked. She’s still feisty. She still pushes the limits and many, many buttons, but I feel a whole lot calmer. It’s been months since I made this decision and it’s only gotten better.
I love this girl in an extraordinary way. I’m grateful I get to be her mother. I’m hoping that (besides getting the worst of it out before her teenage years) these stubborn, tough, independent aspects of her personality can be channeled for good. I hope that I have the wisdom and self-discipline necessary to help her get there.
Monthly Menu
With this extra time on my hands, I’ve been able to do some planning. Now, I usually like to prepare a weekly menu anyway (though it’s been difficult to maintain the habit since the boys joined our family), but one of my goals is to get back into the game, this time by planning out an entire month’s worth of dinners. And I have even more incentive this month since I’m participating in the spending fast. Planning meals ensures that you don’t get tempted to eat out!
I was heavily considering doing what this gal did and plan for an ENTIRE YEAR. Wow. That’s not messing around. But I just couldn’t see myself wanting to eat the meals in November that I came up with in January. Plus, that’s a lot of time. Too many unforeseen variables that could come into play that might mess up such a strict schedule. What are your thoughts? Would that be beneficial for your family to do?
Instead, I took her idea and scaled it down to the month-by-month level. It was still a lot of work because I don’t have a “rotation” of recipes already established. I have many recipes that we like and use often, but choosing them, and considering the ingredients for the whole week, and figuring in the various family activities took some effort and time. But it’s done and it feels good to have one month in place.
The other blogger suggested printing out the following for your binder:
Monthly menu (which I broke down into weekly menus)
Weekly shopping lists
A copy of each recipe you plan to use (unless you have it in an actual cookbook)
She has some great printables for organizing (including that binder cover above, which is not quite accurate since it’s supposed to represent a year’s worth of planning), as do many other awesome meal planning sites, but if the ones I created look helpful, feel free to use the weekly menu and shopping list.
I usually shop at three stores during the week, so that’s how I divided my shopping list, as opposed to by category. All of the ingredients needed for each meal is recorded on the list. But when I shop I actually use an app called “Out of Milk,” so all I have to do is transfer these items to my phone each week. Easy peasy.
My goal is to have the next month’s done by the last Sunday of the current month. Hopefully, it will get faster each time. I’m hoping that by the time I’ve done this for a few months, I’ll have a better idea of how to build a rotation of meals. If you have a good system, I’d love to hear it! I feel like planning for the whole month is going to save me a lot of aggravation in the long run, but it’s difficult to start up when it’s so new.
Certainly, I’m not the first to blog about menu planning, and clearly I’m not making any claims to be good at it. But I wanted to share just in case someone out there is looking for a starting point.
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So, what kind of meal planning has worked for you? Weekly? Monthly? Any input would be appreciated!
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