Madeline
Colin’s Cursed Birthday
It’s official. There’s no doubt now. Colin’s birthday is officially cursed. For the past 4 years, at least one person (and oftentimes it’s been Colin) has been sick on his birthday. The range of illnesses has been wide, but some sort of plague has hit our household just in time for the celebrations.
Warren was sick all last week and his asthma kicked in, but he started recovering and we hoped for the best. Then Maddie got a fever on Friday. Luckily, we were able to get in touch with her doctor before the end of the day, plus Warren’s bout with the virus indicated that she was headed down the same path, so no need for the emergency room testing.
But by Sunday, and Colin’s birthday, she was still feverish and hacking away. We started to get worried. Jake also woke up with a runny nose and a slight fever. It was settled. We’d all stay home from church and try to recuperate from the sickness that was spreading through the family.
I felt I owed Colin something big and tasty to compensate for all he’s done over the last few weeks, plus I was hoping to take the edge off the curse, so I made him a tasty dinner of salmon, broiled green beans and cherry tomatoes, and wild rice, plus a carrot cake with citrus cream cheese frosting. That was the highlight of the day, besides the Seattle Sounders FC “3rd Jersey” I got for him (purchased in January, so not to be counted in the Spending Fast).
Just as we were winding up the evening, and all kids had been tucked in bed, we heard serious coughing from Maddie’s room. It sounded really, really bad. We went in to help her cough/puke into the bowl we’d been keeping by her bed. When we checked the contents of the recent spew, we saw blood. Colin and I looked at each other. Could we take the chance that she hadn’t progressed to pneumonia? On Birthday Curse Day, you couldn’t be too sure. So, my dear, sweet, wonderful Colin gathered up the necessaries and Maddie and drove off to the ER at 9:45PM on Sunday night. He was just trying to beat my last birthday celebration.
Long story short, Maddie’s x-ray came back clear. Instead, they diagnosed her with croup. Sad and uncomfortable, but less worrisome than having a pneumonia.
*Big sigh*
Hopefully, she’ll recover soon and Jake’s turn will come and go quickly. Is there any chance that this virus will pass Joey over? To dream…
Happy Birthday, Colin! Someday this curse will end. It just has to!
Congenital Heart Defects (CHD) Awareness Week
Our Madeline was born with severe congenital heart defects (CHDs): Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR), and Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). You can read about this amazingly strong little girl and her story here.
This week is CHD Awareness Week and all of February is Heart Awareness Month. The CHD Awareness website provides more information about how you can help the cause.
This issue continues to touch us personally and deeply. Maddie is not out of the woods, nor will she ever be. She is scheduled for more intensive cardiology testing at the end of this month and late March, in fact (more details in a later post). We will always be coping with her CHDs.
Maddie is a fighter. She is strong and stubborn. It’s what keeps her going when she should be down. But even with that same fighting spirit, some children don’t make it. Some are taken from this earth because of CHDs and we’re left to grieve the loss.
That’s what happened last week to someone I know personally. Her precious son lived for 4 days and then passed away quietly in her arms after suffering from heart failure. I wept for her and her pain. She is not alone in her anguish. Thousands of mothers every year are mourning the loss of their little heart babies and children, too.
So, it’s with this sweet boy in mind that I share these statistics in the hopes that it could save the life of at least one baby out there. Please read and spread the word.
Facts about CHDs as noted by Little Hearts, Inc.:
- Congenital heart defects (CHDs) occur when a baby’s heart fails to form properly during early pregnancy. In most cases, the cause is unknown, although scientists feel both genetic and environmental factors play a role.
- Some environmental factors that increase the risk of CHDs include the mother’s use of cocaine, alcohol or certain medications while pregnant. Some maternal medical conditions – such as diabetes – may also increase risk.
- CHDs are the most common birth defect – and the leading cause of birth defect-related deaths.
- CHDs occur more often than Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome or hearing loss – and kill twice as many children as childhood cancer.
- It is estimated that 40,000 babies with CHDs are born in the United States each year – that’s one in every 125 babies.
- Although some babies will be diagnosed at birth, newborns are not routinely screened for CHDs – and pregnant women are not routinely tested for CHDs.
- There are approximately 35 different types of congenital heart defects.
- Some CHDs may be treated with surgery, medicine and/or devices, such as artificial valves and pacemakers. In the last 25 years, advances in the treatment of heart defects have enabled half a million U.S. children with serious CHDs to survive into adulthood.
- Many cases of sudden cardiac death in young athletes are caused by undiagnosed CHDs and childhood-onset heart disease.
- Early detection is critical to the successful treatment of CHDs. Some heart defects can be detected by a routine ultrasound – but the most effective prenatal test is an echocardiogram performed by a Pediatric Cardiologist.
Pink Chonies
Toilet training. It’s the one part of parenting where I wish I could close my eyes and fast forward past the phase to the point where it’s all done.
We have not pushed Maddie whatsoever toward toilet training. We’ve let her completely set the pace. She’s been using the toilet off and on for several months now but it’s only been in the last week that she’s understood when she needed to use it. But she refuses to go #2 on the pot. Refuses. She’s afraid, I guess, even though she knows she will get gum if she does it. Oh yes, we’re going there if it means results.
After a few days of success where her diaper stayed clean and dry, she had an idea.
“I can wear my chonies now!” she exclaimed. “Pink ones!”
Her “big girl” underwear (“chonies” as Kelley called them when Warren first started wearing them) have been sitting in her drawer waiting for the day when she was ready to ditch the diapers. She wants desperately to be like Big Brother Warren and wear her own chonies, but we had laid down some stipulations to the transition. She had to stay clean and dry and she had to start pooping in the toilet.
Colin and I looked at each other. She hadn’t reached the second part of deal yet, but she was definitely making progress. We decided to give it a go.
She was so proud. She was beaming.
She went the whole day clean and dry. Even overnight she was clean as a whistle. But she still wouldn’t go poop in the pot.
On Day 2 of underwear, we asked her if she needed to go poop on the toilet. She hesitantly said yes. When she got there to do her business she stopped and looked up at us. “Maybe not,” she said backing down from the challenge. But she still went pee, so we kept her chonies on.
But by the end of the day she still had refused to go #2 in the toilet. She started asking for a diaper so she could take care of business. We told her she’d have to put the chonies away for the rest of the day.
“Maybe I can wear chonies when I’m pooping in the toilet,” she renegotiated.
Off and on she’s been like this: wearing her underwear for most of the day, but requesting a diaper for pooping purposes. She even wore her pink chonies to church. She’s so close, she just doesn’t know it.
We’ll get there. Could someone just wake me up when it’s over?
Parenting 505
Maddie has always been a challenge, for various reasons. Year Two of her life proved that time and again, and Year Three is shaping up to be no exception. As with all toddlers, she is a walking contradiction where screaming to let her do something herself is followed by, “Can you help me?” in the same breath. She is stubborn, and sneaky, and so often has the appearance of looking for mischief.
So it’s no surprise that we often butt heads. The year that has passed since the babies joined our family has been rough on my relationship with this spunky, spit-fire little girl. (Adding new members to your family is a huge adjustment anytime, but adding multiple babies when you’ve just turned two is a doozie.) She’s always loved the boys and hasn’t expressed much overt jealousy, but just her stage of development alone makes it difficult for her to be gentle with them at all times, or to be more help than hindrance when I’m trying to take care of their needs. It’s gotten better as she’s gotten older, but it’s still a struggle sometimes.
And I must admit, for too long I’ve been less than patient with her antics. On some days, I’ve been downright mean in my frustration.
When I heard this General Conference talk last spring, I felt the message speak directly to me.
One part, in particular, stood out to me as something I needed to address in my parenting attitude:
A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?
(“What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?” Elder Lynn G. Robbins, The Ensign, May 2o11.)
Of course! Maddie is my most challenging child (at least at this time) and so I’ve been fixating on her negatives more than her positives for so long that sometimes it’s been difficult to appreciate the blessing she is in my life. I needed to change myself, not her, in order to find peace in our relationship.
How was I going to get there, I didn’t know. I felt like it was getting worse despite being made aware. But with daily prayers pleading for forgiveness, renewed humility, and a desire to be more of an example of Christ, I decided I’d better figure out a way.
And then one late night talking to Christy during her visit here changed my perspective, hopefully permanently. Maddie’s actions were out of my control, but my own reactions, responses, and choices were mine to choose. Did I have to be angry that she kicked Joey and then kicked me when I put her in her room for time out? No. I could choose to be calm and place her gently on the floor instead of heaving her in and snapping, “NO!” at her through clenched teeth.
So here is my revolutionary plan for parenting: be nice. That’s it.
When I want to yell at her to stop, I use a soft voice to give her the options instead. When I want to throw her on her bed and slam the door, I quietly walk her to her room and ask her to come out when she’s ready to be kind. I hug her more, even when I don’t like the choice she’s made. And when I can’t find a way to feel kind, I take a deep breath and walk away myself. Sometimes I’m the one who needs the time out.
It’s worked. She’s still feisty. She still pushes the limits and many, many buttons, but I feel a whole lot calmer. It’s been months since I made this decision and it’s only gotten better.
I love this girl in an extraordinary way. I’m grateful I get to be her mother. I’m hoping that (besides getting the worst of it out before her teenage years) these stubborn, tough, independent aspects of her personality can be channeled for good. I hope that I have the wisdom and self-discipline necessary to help her get there.
Three Stock Jokes
Maddie realizes she can be funny, but she hasn’t quite grasped exactly what makes her humorous. She tries random things out to see what happens. To her knowledge, there are three solid jokes that she has at her disposal for instant comedy.
1. “Baby Hotda” — Hotda (the Zuni word for Grandmother) is what our kids call my mom. One day, Maddie was looking through family pictures and decided to call her “Baby Hotda” because she was holding “Baby Warren” in a particular photo. We all laughed for how ridiculous it sounded. She took that as comedy gold. Now whenever she says it we giggle, even though the actual joke is dead. It’s all in her delivery. Sometimes she whispers it. Then Warren, who claims it’s not funny anymore, can’t help but smile.
2. The Darth Vader song — “dun dun dun, dun dun-dun, dun dun-dun…” Otherwise known as “The Imperial March.” Somehow (i.e. thanks to Renny) she memorized that tune and tries to work it into everyday conversation. If she can combine other songs into a medley that includes the Darth Vader theme song, then it’s a song worth singing. She loves the song and she loves Darth Vader. Hilarious in itself.
3. “tsk” — the sound you make when aspirating the letter “T.” Like she thinks whatever was said is sorta funny, but not quite funny enough to laugh out loud. Regardless, it always makes us chuckle a little more.
She keeps these in her back pocket to use whenever she feels the crowd needs a little levity.
The Coat
Back in December, we came across this video on the church website. It’s a beautiful, wordless cartoon depiction of an act of charity, taken from the life of the prophet Heber J. Grant. Maddie cannot get enough of watching it:
She asks to see it often. As soon as we pull it up she shouts, “Big one! Big one! Full screen!” because the default small version just isn’t enough for her.
Even though we’ve seen at least 20 times, I still tear up at the end.
The Flurry of Christmas Day
Christmas was a bit hectic this year since it fell on a Sunday. And though we had plenty of time to get ready for church since it didn’t start until 1PM, it meant we actually had to get out of our jammies and stick to a schedule. Then we had to come home and prepare Christmas dinner. But it was nice to celebrate the Savior’s birth on the Sabbath and partake of the Sacrament on this special day.
The day whizzed by but we did enjoy the excitement the kids felt seeing their “Santa” gifts and digging in to all the sweets, goodies, and food that make this holiday so joyous.
Stockings are always stuffed with one small toy, sugar cereal, goldfish crackers, “cuties” oranges, chocolate of some sort, and candy canes. Maddie had consumed most of the candies before breakfast even started. The rest of us paced ourselves, especially since we needed to save room for our healthful lunch of cinnamon and orange rolls.
Even though Maddie asked for “pink” as her sole Christmas present, we went outside the box and got her something we knew she’d love: Darth Vader. It’s really a gumball machine (don’t tell!) but she just enjoys pushing the button to hear his infamous breathing sound.
Of the many things Warren wished for this year, we decided on the art kit and “how to draw” books. He set to work right away and created some awesome drawings. He even got his requested emergency candles in his stocking.
All of that sugar consumption must have gone to her stomach because after awhile we found Maddie hiding behind the couch. She said her belly hurt. She just needed a breather. She came out some time later ready for more.
Getting ready for church is always stressful. It’s even worse when there is the distraction of new toys and candy. Somehow we made it out the door, and on time even.
We had so much food. Truly, we are blessed and have all that we need and then some. We ended the day with a roast beef dinner, complete with potatoes gratin, salad, and coconut cake.
Our Christmas was indeed Merry and Bright.
Viewing the Christmas Lights
We decided to take the kids for a drive around Santa Barbara to see some Christmas lights. There is even a website that gives you a whole route to take, complete with directions of where and when to turn. (Thanks for the tip, MK!) It’s the same path that the touring trolley cars take. It sounded like a great activity for the Christmas season.
There is only one word that can be used to describe our evening of Christmas light viewing: BUST!
And it wasn’t because there was anything wrong with the route or that the traffic was out of hand. No. It was because our children either a) fell asleep or b) complained the entire trip. Specifically, the three youngest nodded off before we even made it off the freeway exit and the oldest whined about every single thing.
Maybe we set the stage wrong, I don’t know. All I know is that from the moment we turned on to State Street and the start of the route, Warren began complaining.
“What is this we’re listening to?” he grumbled from the back, even as the brightly lit store displays and decorative stars over the street lamps gleamed outside the car window. The Christmas c.d. had just switched to a comedic story we enjoy hearing once a year, “Polly Anderson’s Christmas Party.” Perhaps he was expecting “Frosty the Snowman” and was greatly disappointed to hear a Canadian accent instead.
After the fourth time whining to know when it would be over, I turned around in irritation.
“Warren, we’re here to see the lights. Your sister and brothers are asleep. That means this is all for you now. If you’re not enjoying the drive and happy to see the lights then we’re going to go home,” I told him sternly. His half-hearted okay led me to believe that his bad attitude would reappear shortly.
Unfortunately, I was right. We continued on the path and made it to the second neighborhood of many participating houses when he piped in once again.
“I’m bored!” he announced in a surly, Grinchy tone.
I took one last terrible picture of a lighted house (photographing in low lighting from a moving vehicle has too many limitations, even with a good camera) and told Colin to turn that car around. We were going home.
As soon as we stated that we were done and heading back, he let out a wail. And then he kept wailing all the way home.
“I want to go back! Let’s go back! We didn’t see enough lights! Please! Please! Let’s see more lights! We have to see more lights!” he cried in outrage.
In our 20 minute drive home I went from supreme irritation to disappointment to sympathy. In the end, I just felt bad for him. Sometimes it’s hard to be a kid. You just don’t know what you want or how to express it and when you do get what you want sometimes it’s overwhelming to handle.
Too much excitement? Too much stimulation? Too much sugar throughout the day? I don’t know what happened with Warren, but I do know that he deeply regretted his choice of attitude. Maybe next time he’ll think before he complains. At least when it comes to Christmas lights.
And maybe next year, more of our children will actually be awake for this outing.
Playing School
It’s Christmas Break, but that doesn’t stop Warren from attending school. He engaged us all in the time-honored game of “playing school,” with curriculum developed on the fly that morning. They were the students, I was the teacher, with heavy collaboration by Warren.
Here is how our day went:
Art– watercolor painting
Snack & Recess– Goldfish crackers and playground time
Botany– Discussion of evergreen trees (parts labeled with inventive spelling)
Writing– Practicing letters, as Jake and Joey look on
Religious Studies– Understanding the Nativity
{Really, it was just a great excuse to use my new camera.}
Christmastime at the ER
Again with the fever.
Kids get sick. Kids get fevers. That’s the way it goes. But not every kid has to go the emergency room every time she has a fever. Yet that’s our reality and sometimes I just get tired of taking Maddie every time she gets one. Not because it’s a drag spending hours there (because it is) but because it feels like we’re torturing her each time we go.
Maddie’s sudden temperature at the end of the day, too late to sneak in to see her pediatrician, required that I take her to the hospital to rule out a life-threatening infection. Plus, we had to make sure that whatever it was could be remedied before Christmas. At least she could wear her red sparkly shoes to cheer her up a little, along with “monster pillow” and the rolls of stickers they always give her after the procedures are finished.
But we had some breakthroughs this visit. One is that Maddie is working on toilet training, so instead of using the urinary catheter (which is the most traumatic), she could pee in a cup to provide her sample. (She actually did that the last time when Colin took her, though I forgot to note it.) The other seemed so simple but really made such a difference. Maddie has always refused to allow any doctor to look in her mouth to examine her throat and they’re always forced to use the tongue depressor. Big mistake! That always makes her puke. I told her, in one of our many moments alone waiting, that the doctor was going to look at her body, including in her mouth, and if she’d just open and say, “Ahhh,” he wouldn’t use the stick. The pep talk worked. She did it. She willingly opened her mouth for him. Thank goodness for small favors!
We also learned that the ER has a portable TV and VCR set that patients can use to kill time. Because it was Christmastime, and because their selection was limited at best, we watched “Casper’s Haunted Christmas.” Please, unless you are trying to kill time in the emergency room, do not watch this movie. Regardless of the content, it’s nice to have a distraction so this technology was a good find.
It was a long 6 hours of waiting, and testing, and waiting some more. As with recent visits, nothing ugly turned up in the urine, blood, or respiratory tests, thank goodness. She was given a more tolerable antibiotic (Septra), instead of the Azithromycin that she refuses to take, and we were sent home.
I couldn’t help but speak my thoughts out loud to the doctor. Do we still need to bring her to the hospital every time she has a fever? She can communicate a little better with us now, was the rush so necessary? Could we possibly avoid this trauma? His answer was sobering. Lacking her spleen, we just can’t be too careful. We wouldn’t know for sure that it wasn’t something deadly. Tylenol would only suppress the fever not fix the cause. With all of her heart complications, we just can’t afford the risk. I sighed and knew that he was right. So, we’ll continue with this plan and pray that she’ll just become more tolerant of the procedures.
RSS Feed